God Played Game with Me- A NOVEL

I am writing this novel, need comments on how to improve writing or the way i write seems fine??? Need suggestions for the same from all.I have quoted the beginning. Please help me out improving my skills... Plz mail personal comments on brutesin@gmail.com

Thanks in Advance

Door bell rings, the same old hard rock music which scares those who are unknown of it. I am Raj, I live in here.

‘Hey Raj anything urgent, you called me in so hurry?’ said Tanya as she entered in his apartment.

‘Yeah something like that, where are the other two, our twin friends, I² Inesh and Ipsa?’

Both I² are on way Raj, I came on time today and you are counting on them instead?’

‘Sorry Tanya, I have very exciting thing to tell’.

‘Raj again you are wearing Cap at home?’

‘It’s trendy’ said Raj.

Tanya made surprised face as Raj never liked to wear a cap.

Raj is a lucky guy who got a place to live in posh Mumbai, i.e. because of his uncle who is an NRI. Raj got a place and his uncle got someone known to take care of his things.

Bell rung, it was Inesh and Ipsa. Inesh is somewhat slim, looks more like a girl but his sister Ipsa looks extremely beautiful. Both are twins but seem they have no energy.

Tanya on other side is a bit plump; she often starts her diet plan of fruits for a week, which increased her weight in first week. Later she lost a lot weight too. Now she eats all junk food and do diet plan in every three months.

‘No time, gotta go soon to work Raj. What’s so urgent?’

‘Listen guys, I have a story to tell. Where is Sunny, the funny?’

‘Raj you called him too?’ said Tanya who was once in love with Sunny but now hates him due to his careless nature.

Bell rung and Sunny was at the door.

‘Hey Sunny, come in’ I said and got him in.

Tanya had a bad impression on her face.

I took everyone in my room and started.

‘Listen Raj its two right now, I need to be back at work by three thirty’ said Tanya.

‘Me too, I need to get back to gym dude’ said Sunny showing his importance of time felt to Tanya.

I smiled and asked them to get comfortable. The twins were still jobless and it was Republic day today.

‘I need to tell a story’.

‘Are you mad? On Republic day, you called up to tell a story?’

‘Listen Tanya, I need to tell the story. You people are close to me so I called you people. Today is a holiday, I can understand Gym but Tanya all offices are closed today’.

Tanya a bit sort of foolish girl says things and later search for valid reason. She said ‘Start story soon, else I will leave’.

‘But before starting I want to tell you all one thing’.

‘What?’

‘It’s a real story, and no one will interrupt me in between’.

‘Get me some coffee first’ said Ipsa. She had a flunked a lot many times in exam. Both twins hated each other because they looked alike. They liked each other long back but when they grew everyone started to compare each other for every reason. Obviously one would be superior to other.

Raj got coffee and gave to Ipsa.

‘So fast Raj, great’ said Tanya.